The 10 most annoying club habits Kenyans have

A night out in Kenyan night clubs is usually guaranteed to be accompanied by certain interesting individuals with peculiar habits.

Whatever the case, a night out in Kenyan night clubs is usually guaranteed to be accompanied by certain interesting individuals with peculiar habits that may make some party goers want to pull their hair out or make an interesting story for the next day.

If you’re a regular in the club scene or even new to it then you’ve probably experienced some of these club habits that Kenyans tend to have.

1.The Hunters

These are those people that are always on a mission when they go to the club.

Case in point. You know those guys that are always seated in the corner of the club, each of them sipping on one drink the entire night? They seem harmless and you may pay them no attention until you have to make a quick run to the bathroom. They bombard you with their “itakuaje msupa” lines and never get a hint when you ignore them. They’ll do it when you get into the cloak room and wait for you when you chuck. Basically, they are just there to try and score for the night.

Case in point 2. And then there are those who actually bribe for a dance with a drink – like seriously?

Of course the promise ends up being nothing but a pipe dream.

Stay woke friends; spend your money for more important things like water and biting as you enjoy the booze and get to spare some for a cab ride home.

2.The show offs

These are those people that never miss an opportunity to let you know that they are balling – even if it’s with their parent’s car that they borrowed.

You know very well that those car keys aren’t theirs because just two days ago, the two of you were hustling to let a cab guy overload because you didn’t want to pay extra cash for another one.

A couple of drinks in and they can barely make it to the bathroom without stumbling over and you’re pretty sure the owner of the car they came with would not be a happy person if their car doesn’t arrive the next day. It’s either you drive the car back to your friend’s place or leave it in the parking lot and pick it up the next day.

Word of advice; just vutia that taxi. The owner of the car may hurl a few insults at your friend and possibly never give them their car again but it’s better than putting your life at risk.

3.The "too close for comfort" guys

Then there are those guys that are always just too close for comfort. No matter how many times you push them away or tell them you want nothing to do with them, they keep forcing themselves on you and when you insist they stop doing that ‘ukona maringo na ata ujaiva hivyo’. Really?

4.The Drama Majors

Some people black out when they are in the club when they are drunk. Others are complete douche bags, then there are those people that believe they are Stone Cold Steve Austin. Too much alcohol and a hot temper isn’t the most attractive or better yet best combination when drinking.

You know those people that get a little too drunk and always start problems in the club even if it’s the most irrelevant of things to get mad at. Someone looked at them funny – or at least they think that someone did – and now it’s world war three in the club.

Once again, water is a miracle worker when it comes to drinking. It will open their eyes and make them see things more clearly, literally.

5.The "Mwauras"

There’s nothing as irritating as having to sit next to someone else’s vomit. It’s even worse when you’re the one that pukes all over the place – you know you should have eaten properly when deciding to go out drinking but you thought you’d be okay.

By eating properly, we mean actually letting your food digest before downing tequila shots.

Great thing about the Kenyan night scene is the numerous food joints that are always around. We all know how good that mayai kachumbari or smokie kachumbari tastes after clubbing.

6.The weird friend of your friend

Another annoying habit Kenyans have in the club is bringing the chick that they are kind of hitting on with them. The problem is not really the fact that they brought the chick but how the chick ends up acting.

The chick may end up getting too comfortable and start overdoing it after a couple of drinks. They keep the bottle on their side of the table and act like the rest of you should bow down to her because she’s vibing your friend.

7.The Joy riders

You know that friend of yours that brings some random person with them on a night out and their presence just makes everything awkward? It gets worse when that person ends up coming with their other two besties and they start downing your boti like they paid for it.

Then they start acting like you’ve known each other for years but you’re trying not to go off on them because they are your friend’s friend.

8.The “Naenda Hivi Nakam” peeps

Then there’s that other character that always ducks just as the bill is being paid. They coincidentally have to go to the bathroom at that time and tell you to just contribute he’ll be right back.

You go looking for them after 30 minutes worried that they blacked out in the bathroom only for the bouncer to tell you they left. Now you’re stuck and have to pay their bill for them.

9.The Machos

There’s that special group of people that always make everything a competition including drinking. They know their limit is three drinks but still insist on chugging down more alcohol because they want to show that ‘mimi ni ule msee’. Three and a half drinks later and they are out like a light.

You can guess how this ends up. The bouncers obviously drag his/her behind out of the club because ‘hii sio kitanda yake’. To make it even worse, it was just the two of you that came out together so you have no choice but to end your night early and take them home.

Next time, it would be a good idea to make your friend drink some water in between their drinks to make sure they don’t get too drunk and cause unnecessary embarrassments in the club. Choice is yours, utado?

10.The ones that insist on drinking and driving

You’ve probably heard of the common notion by many drivers who indulge in a little too much liqor that their cars 'knows the way home' – you know it gari inajua njia ya nyumbani.

In actual sense it’s the belief that a driver is hardwired to know his or her way home way home regardless of the level of intoxication.

Honestly life is too short to risk your life because you wanted to tell a ‘great’ story about how you made it home after driving stupid drunk the previous night.

Cabs are everywhere these days and the best thing about them is you don’t have to dig too deep into your pockets to pay for it. Stop being stingy and vutia that taxi. Your life your choice, utado?

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