Common lies Kenyans tell

Hata nilikua nikucall tu sahii!

Common lies Kenyans tell

Its evident that Kenya is a lying nation. We all love lying and lies have become a part of us.

Someone will look at you straight in the eye and lie without feeling any twinge of guilt or shame. From politicians, to men of cloth, to our friends and even our spouses, everyone has been a victim of lying.

It’s not a shocker to be seated in a matatu and hear someone say that they are in Nakuru and yet you are in the same bus with them heading to Utawala.

I bet even those who will meet the Son of God will immediately start lying in heaven.

Here are some of the common lies that Kenyans love telling;

Sitawahi Kunywa tena

They say once bitten twice shy but unfortunately this phrase doesn't apply to party lovers. A Kenyan will have a deadly hangover and even tell you“Aki karibu nikufe jana, I swear sitawahi kunywa tena’ and the next thing you know, it's parte after parte for them.

Kuja nikupikie sapa

Ladies, if a man calls and tells you this, just know that he ain't cooking any meal. You are the damn meal. He will Twa Twa you before you even get the chance to lie that you are at that day of the month.

Come lets Netflix and chill, or utakuja lini kunitembelea will also lead to the same result.

Si unajua nakupenda

Kenyan men will tell you this even when they are on the altar making their vows to another lady. Don’t even be surprised if that lady also turns out to be the third wife or something.

Nilikua nikupigie hata sahii

Ever called someone and before you even say hi, they are like ‘Hata nlikuwa nikupigie sahii’. Truth is, they never thought of calling you and you never even crossed their mind.

They just told you this to make you feel loved, cared for and appreciated.

Huyo hata si dem yangu tuliachana kitambo

If there are men who love denying their girlfriends, it has to be Kenyan men. A man will ‘Katia’ you bravely knowing he has a girlfriend. And if you ask him about her, he will say that they broke up a long time ago.

He will even go ahead and say ‘ni yeye hata hunisumbua’, to make the story look real.

And if a member of the opposite sex tells you a close guy or a lady is just a friend, run for your life and never look back.

Tuma CV nitakufix mahali

Most relatives are known for making this fake promise, especially the ones who hold senior positions in big companies or government. You will get married and even have children while they are still trying to fix you somewhere.

Niliformat simu/ Niliibiwa simu

How embarrassing is it when you call someone and they end up asking who you are? Most Kenyans will defend themselves and say that they replaced their lines or formatted their phones, even when they deleted your number.

Who bewitched us?

Nitumie 3k niko stranded mahali, nitakurefund later

Its true that sometimes accidents happen and we get emergencies but most of the times, this is always a lie.

If a lady ever calls you to ask for cash, high chances are that she will never return the money.

Nipee five mins nafika sahii

Kenyans will always be Kenyans. They will never turn up early for meetings or events. Even when they are so far away, they will make it seem as if they are very close and even ask you where you are standing or seated. “Niko karibu nah hii building iko hapo kando yako, nipee dakika mbili hata” You’ll hear someone say.

Forty-five minutes later, they will still tell you to give them few minutes wako karibu kabisaa.

Siko karibu na mpesa sahii but nitakutumia

Have you ever asked for cash from someone and they took a whole day to send you money or never even send the money at all? That’s Kenya for you.

When you need help, that’s the time when people get blind and don’t see Mpesa shops around them.

How unfortunate.

Niko kwa mat, nikishuka nitakucall

Have you ever called someone when you really needed to talk to them and they gave you this excuse and they never called at all? This is Kenya.

Someone will even lie to you that they are driving or that they are busy, even when they are seated at the comfort of their home.

Naenda hivi nakam

You will meet someone in the streets and they will tell you “acha naenda hivi nakam.” That simply means you will not see them in the couple of weeks to come or even months.

Hata nikona kama hii

Most ladies will use this lie to hawkers after they discover that they don’t have enough cash to purchase a certain item.

A phrase like ‘Hata nlikua naulizia rafiki yangu’ is most likely to come up during the scenario.

Babe niko kwa rafiki yangu

If your girl calls you on a Friday evening to tell you that she will be spending the weekend at her friend’s house, Stacy, don’t be surprised if the Stacy turns out to be a Brayo.

Miss you

If someone ever told you miss you, penda wewe, or called you darl and you believed them then something must be terribly wrong with you. How can someone tell you penda wewe and you believe them? It's like when you tell someone you love them and they say, me too.

Now, does that sound genuine?

Ni wewe tu babe

You should be able to smell the lies in this phrase from miles away. You might think you are the only one but end up realizing that you were a whole community.

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